Regardless of how many hours are given to me, if it's a work day, it all feels the same.
I have to wake up at a certain time that my circadian rhythm disagrees with,
I can't plan anything else on that day because work gets in the way,
I come home too wired to go to bed or too tired to do anything else.
Well now I appear to be faced with a whole new problem...
I enjoy my work. I'm actually happier when I'm at work than when I'm at home. I still have trouble getting up in the morning, but I think that's just the lack of heating in my room, and my body's strange need for exuberant amounts of sleep.
I've always imagined work and play to be two completely different aspects of a person's life that needed to be balanced. But in my case these days, I find myself doing exactly what I do at work as the play when I get home.
It's confusing me.
I've always imagined work and play to be two completely different aspects of a person's life that needed to be balanced. But in my case these days, I find myself doing exactly what I do at work as the play when I get home.
It's confusing me.
I feel like I'm always at work, and I feel like it's taking over my life completely.
But on the other hand, I've always had a love for technology and I did these things anyway.
But on the other hand, I used to try to balance that with a social life.
But even in my social life I would talk about technology.
I know there's more to me than electronics. I don't just like to fix computers, I also like to fix other broken objects, and when people are feeling down I like to try to help. When I'm faced with a problem that needs fixing, I feel a drive to fix it, or at least make it make sense.
I need to understand everything - to make everything right.
But on the other hand, I've always had a love for technology and I did these things anyway.
But on the other hand, I used to try to balance that with a social life.
But even in my social life I would talk about technology.
I know there's more to me than electronics. I don't just like to fix computers, I also like to fix other broken objects, and when people are feeling down I like to try to help. When I'm faced with a problem that needs fixing, I feel a drive to fix it, or at least make it make sense.
I need to understand everything - to make everything right.
I've found that I enjoy my work. I enjoy helping people to fix their problems. I also generally enjoy being around good-natured and funny people, like my co-workers.
Having a kind of purpose helps me to overcome my depression, and being congratulated for a good job helps overcome my anxiety.
As the work day goes by and I grow more tired, I find myself thinking "just this much more time before my shift ends."
Having a kind of purpose helps me to overcome my depression, and being congratulated for a good job helps overcome my anxiety.
As the work day goes by and I grow more tired, I find myself thinking "just this much more time before my shift ends."
Why do I think that if I'm enjoying work more than home?
Whenever I go home and rest, I just slowly become depressed again, and my anxiety grows as I become uncertain of whether I'll make it out of bed the next morning. I find myself thinking of my practically non-existent love life, and the things that I wish were waiting for me when I got home.
I fear that the hard work I've been trying to put into changing my home life as I did with my work life is wearing me thin over time, and only having worked at this new job I enjoy for a short time, I don't want to lose it by having another mental relapse.
Whenever I go home and rest, I just slowly become depressed again, and my anxiety grows as I become uncertain of whether I'll make it out of bed the next morning. I find myself thinking of my practically non-existent love life, and the things that I wish were waiting for me when I got home.
I fear that the hard work I've been trying to put into changing my home life as I did with my work life is wearing me thin over time, and only having worked at this new job I enjoy for a short time, I don't want to lose it by having another mental relapse.
I wake up, still very tired as usual, no matter what time it is or how much sleep I got. I desperately want to stay in bed, but I know that if I had my way I would never leave it (I've stayed in bed for over 24 hours once before).
But once I get to work I start feeling better. Right after I start on a project, or greet my peers.
But come lunch break, if I'm alone, I go right back to feeling down until I get back to work.
But the more I work, and don't work on my personal life, the more anxiety I get from "working too much" even though this is only a part time job.
But once I get to work I start feeling better. Right after I start on a project, or greet my peers.
But come lunch break, if I'm alone, I go right back to feeling down until I get back to work.
But the more I work, and don't work on my personal life, the more anxiety I get from "working too much" even though this is only a part time job.
I need to wake up in about 4 hours for work...
Anyway, I guess my point is that I seem to have found a conundrum in my life. My work is my play, and so I get home and don't know what to do with myself. I can't shake this feeling that I would have no problems with this situation if I had a companion to come home to.
