Feminine HRT Changes Resource

Here is a handy website that details the changes caused by spironolactone, estradiol, and bioidentical progesterone. 

Personally, I believe this website to be the most accurate list of HRT effects I have yet found, and I believe it to be a far better resource that what medical professionals provide their patients for informed consent.

https://curvyandtrans.com/p/5011BD/second-puberty-101/

My Transition - Stage 1 Complete

From January 27th, 2020:

I had my final stage 1 appointment today! I get to resume progesterone!

Later the night following that appointment, I was allowed to get myself aroused for the first time. Since then there has been some persisting swelling that has continued after the initial engorgement. It feels like the left side of my labia hasn't gotten the message and seems to believe that I'm still aroused. Unfortunately it seems like my clitoris is also not gotten that message, as it also seems to be poking against the hood a little too hard on a fairly regular basis.

I don't think I can adequately put into words how disorienting and strange it is to be asked what hurts, and to legitimately not know how to answer the question. I know that something hurts, but I know not what body part nor its location. Something in that region can hurt in one area, but the body part is actually located in another, so it actually hurts over there and not where my brain seems to think it hurts. This makes it very difficult to explain over the phone to the consulting nurses what exactly hurts and which areas feel like what.

A while after I got home from Spokane I drove for the first time post-surgery and discovered that if I push my left leg against the left foot rest, it takes some of the pressure off of sitting down and going over bumps, thereby making the whole experience much easier.

My last notes on the stage 1 surgical experience: the days leading up to it were terrifying, the recovery was uncomfortable, less painful than expected, and ultimately an easier experience than I imagined. As miserable as it could be at times because of the discomfort, I would gladly do it all over again. In fact, I will be doing it all over again, because I still have to go through the second stage of my surgery! It won't be exactly the same, but I'm sure it will present its own set of discomforts to note.

Stage 2 is currently scheduled for June 30th. I will try and make sure to write a bit about that experience as well. Hopefully my covid depression will not get in the way of that.

Informed Consent HRT Provider Map

Informed consent means that the healthcare provider is willing to prescribe Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) for transgender people with just an information form to be signed by you or your guardian stating that you know what you are getting into, you have read all the information provided about it, and you consent to it. 

This eliminates the roadblock many trans people face where they cannot receive HRT without jumping through unnecessary administrative hoops, resulting in up to a year's worth of life-threatening delays.

Here is a map I found showing a large number of informed consent providers for HRT in the United States.

https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1DxyOTw8dI8n96BHFF2JVUMK7bXsRKtzA&shorturl=1&ll=47.464100482909295%2C-122.32052688886495&z=9

My Transition - The Big Reveal

Biological Content Material!

This is literally a post where I talk about what's happening to my genitals. If you don't want to hear about this stuff, you best not read ahead.

It feels so surreal. I'm not sure it's completely sunk in yet for me. It just feels like I have a really secure tuck, but when I look down I see a vulva. Logically I know that I no longer have a penis, but I've had a penis for so long that the concept of it not being there seems to take a while to process.

When the bandaging came off I felt different sensations. One bandage was stuck to my clitoris, so as it came off I yelped slightly as I felt it come loose. The doctor said that's very good, since that proves I have sensation already. It looks like I have a very good clitoral hood, despite my worries about having been circumcised and potentially not having the tissue for it. I'm eager to see how the clitoral hood and labia minora evolves over time as it all continues to heal, and as the swelling goes down.

I just went to pee for the first time. I sat down and tried to make sure the whole area was nice and open, but wow it just sprayed downward everywhere. Probably because the whole region is still very swollen. Lesson learned! At least all of it went into the toilet, so I'm calling this a win, even though I had to shower off my lower half afterward.

It's so weird having phantom feelings. As I type this I'm actively feeling something against my clitoris, but I checked and as far as I can tell there's nothing there. Maybe it's just rubbing against the hood? The whole area is swollen right now, so perhaps that's what's going on. I went to pee again, and I felt this weird sensation as though my urethra was in a different location. I knew where I was aiming, and I was actively looking at my vulva at the time, and yet the feeling of starting to pee felt like it was coming from a different location in my abdomen. So strange. Then as I was cleaning up with some flushable wipes I realized I had some sensation in my labia minora that felt like the shaft of my former penis. To make things even more confusing, I'd brush up against my clitoris while cleaning, and then I'd brush up against my urethra. I was actively recognizing they are in two very different locations, yet they felt as though they were in the same location. Such a strange sensation. I was fully prepared for this kind of neural mapping confusion, and I just find this so fascinating, I'm actually loving it. I wonder how long it will take for it to fade.

The day after my bandages were removed I gave into the temptation of curiosity and allowed myself to be slightly aroused, purely from the sounds of my partner in the room. There was no erection sensation. Instead, the whole area started to get a bit more swollen, and I felt a kind of pulse resonate around my clitoris. As the pulse began I felt a kind of electric rush flow upward to my chest and then up my back, and my breathing intensified. It was incredible, I haven't felt that kind of rush despite zero physical sensation before. I had to calm myself down when I realized my vulva was getting engorged on top of already being swollen. I can't wait until I'm given the clear to play with this for real!

My First News Article

Somehow I never posted a link on here to the Windows and Mirrors article I was in last year! I was interviewed for a column in a series of local newspapers. :)

http://www.redmond-reporter.com/opinion/proud-to-be-themselves-windows-and-mirrors/?amp

Social Bubbles

I'm noticing that rather than actually seeing the source of many issues, on Facebook I seem to instead see people's reactions to it.

For example, there's something going around with people raving about celebrity women who have lost weight during quarantine, and how they're "suddenly beautiful." All I'm seeing is the backlash of people saying they were beautiful before and losing weight didn't change that. 

I have no idea where this originated. If I cared I would Google it, but I have enough drama without TMZ toxicity in my life. People's reactions in my social bubble are on point though, at least.

I also never actually saw anyone actively blaming China for the plague. Not that I'm complaining - I'd have ripped them a new one myself if I did. I guess I'm proud nobody in my social bubble is that much of an asshole, so I never had to.

I just find it interesting that, unless I Google them, I never seem to see the sources on these things. Only the outrage itself, which I often agree with, reinforcing my confirmation bias on issues I've never even seen directly.  

I rarely have my opinions indirectly challenged by seeing someone else's posts, so I have to seek out ways to debate issues I believe myself to feel too strongly about. But I often have to do that outside my social bubble or I'd risk hurting my friends. If I didn't directly ask someone to come up with a really good counterargument to my beliefs, I would not likely ever get or otherwise see one. 

I don't always want one though - I'm not always in the mood to expand my mind. Sometimes I just want to relax like everyone else. But I do like to know when I am wrong. It can be difficult to fight the gut reaction of anger when a firmly held belief is being questioned, but I think it's important to ask ourselves why we react with anger rather than curiosity.

Seeing how this works in this context, it's easy for me to imagine how conservatives have their confirmation bias reinforced, never seeing the sources directly before seeing hundreds of media and friends' opinions. This doesn't make them right, but it also doesn't necessarily make liberals right either. We are products of a system that only shows us what we want to see, just like everyone else.

What we choose to do with this information is what tells us whether we're truly part of the problem that polarizes our society. Will we critically think about our media exposure and search for sources to develop our own opinions? Or will we continue to allow others' reactions to shape our opinions for us?

This has been thought experiments with Josie. My statements are not fact, they are merely observations and opinions formed within the bias of my mind, as usual. ;)