Sunday, October 30, 2016

My Other Life?

I dreamed that I found an old crawlspace door somewhere that led to another room full of sticky notes and papers on the wall with memories and quotes from myself, written in my handwriting. It was like each note reflected a piece of a life I never had, retelling a story I had no memory of. Snippets, as though to jog my memory.

I looked at an open cabinet door to my left that was aimed at me as I crawled in. A note written in big letters, in my handwriting, read:

"Josh, read these messages. You want to remember. You need to remember. Remember who I am so you can remember who you were."

As I read that note and saw the other notes everywhere, I started to notice it was a familiar looking bedroom. I started to remember that I used to write reminders to myself on sticky notes all the time and leave them up on the walls, forgetting to take them down. I vaguely remembered writing the big note in a panic, terrified I would forget everything I was. Intense memories of some other life began pouring into my head. It was all so overwhelming I cried out, and as I cried out I woke up.

The memories are almost entirely gone now, but in the instant I woke up, I felt like something was made clear and something about myself made sense. But I can't remember what it was now.

Was this a past life I was remembering?
Were these memories I had blocked off from childhood?
Is this symbolic of my discovering my true self?
Did I make discoveries about myself a long time ago and shove it into my subconscious out of fear?
Are the memories from the other life I lived out in dream years ago?

Or is this just an intense dream, amidst a dry spell of remembering dreams, and it stands out because I haven't had one in a while...