My Transition - Bathroom Lament

From January 20th:

Now has come the time for the dreaded bathroom event. O how I hath feared this day; to excrete dark matter whilst my genitals are bandaged and stitched... 'Tis not an experience I cherished to bear.

The pain. O, the pain... A stool softener, perhaps, I should have consumed in anticipation of this moment. Perhaps if length enough I sit, it shall pass of its own accord. Lo, how the powers of spinal anesthetic have hardened this process. Though how much worse it might have been had I taken oxycodone? I may call myself lucky, bittersweet, though, the luck may be.

Alas, the end is nigh! Progress is made! Good things come to those who wait, and patience is, indeed, a virtue devoutly to be wish'd.

I am victorious! Such relief! Pomp and Circumstance sounds from the other room - I have graduated! I can finally acclaim... That my first post-op movement of the bowels is complete.