One of my students asked me for dating advice yesterday, and I posted on Facebook that that had happened, and that it was a rather strange experience.
Somebody asked me what advice I gave that student. Here was my reply:
I avoided telling him any specifics or details relating to my own personal life, because that's private and separate. What I told him was basically this:
The most successful relationships I've been in were the ones where one of us initially turned the other down, and yet we continued to spend time together as friends. I think this was successful because it demonstrated that we weren't pursuing the other person simply because they were a "potential mate", but rather, we genuinely liked the other person and wanted to spend time with them, romance or no.
Obsessing over the person to the point where you no longer see them as an individual is what you want to avoid. They are a person, not a piece of meat. Instead, if you truly find them interesting, spend time with them and just enjoy their company, rather than focusing on what you hope to get out of it. The more time you spend together, the deeper a connection you will build, and the more opportunities you both might have to experience potentially tender moments. And enjoy the time you spend together in those moments, rather than using them as an excuse to push things forward at a faster pace.
And of course, communicate. You can't get too far when you're only guessing at what each other is thinking ;)
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