Pondering Existence

For the past few years I've felt like my mind is right on the verge of a lightbulb moment regarding my perception of the universe. 

Every time I feel I am about to have that lightbulb moment I have had an immediate existential anxiety response and I have to derail my train of thought before I go into a frantic panic attack.

It felt almost like this is something my brain is not meant to think about. Like there's some kind of implicit limitation in my wiring to block this concept I am so curious about.

But recently concepts I've been pondering for over two decades feel like they're starting to form. Science and spirituality are not antagonistic, but rather I believe they are different ways of seeing and explaining the same things.

And thus begins my rant about morality and the human condition...

Our opinions about what is and is not life are so misguided with bias. Who are we to define what is and is not alive when we are so small and insignificant ourselves? We struggle with our tiny self-created problems while so much outside of humanity has already advanced to a level of self-sustainment we barely understand, and yet we believe ourselves to be on some higher level.

We strive for some kind of greatness, never allowing ourselves to be content with where we are. We believe so many things drive us toward progress, when really our insatiable greed drives us toward our own ruin.

Which form of life is truly superior? Why does any form of life need to be superior? What does it even mean to be "superior?" Ultimately all these questions are meaningless - rather than trying to categorize and arrange things in some hierarchy we could simply be existing alongside everything, not believing any of it better or worse than anything else.

The belief that we can exist without harming anything is also pointless, as our very species by nature consumes to exist. Who's to say whether it is morally superior to eat animals or plants? They are all living beings, so we are killing no matter what we do. If it must be done, we could argue it's not what we're eating that makes it morally correct, but rather the act of not letting any of it go to waste. If we have to kill to survive, the least we could do is respect the life that was lost for our benefit, and share what we don't use with those who would use it.

What do we imagine when we think of sharing our scraps with others? Handouts to people on the street? Soup kitchens? Food bank donations? Delivering leftovers to our neighbors? Feeding scraps to the dog? Or the chickens? Throwing scraps out into the woods? Composting? Burying food scraps in a garden?

We see ourselves as so disconnected from the rest of the life on this planet, and we arrange our civilizations in such a way that encourages this mentality. But for what? What exactly are we trying to achieve? What is the goal we are setting for our purposes in life?

If our perspective controls how we respond to things, then all of life is what we make of it through our own perception. It is not some mysterious question that needs to be pondered for a lifetime. It simply is. How we see and respond to it is up to us, and what comes after it doesn't matter enough to ignore what's right in front of our faces. 

This life is an opportunity. This is a beautiful gift we are given for a limited time, and we are using it in such a wildly bizarre way. Building shopping malls, obsessing over appearance, stepping on each other to gain currency that only has value because we say it does. Devoting the vast majority of our entire lives to the acquisition of an imaginary wealth, just so we can experience what life we have left in a form of superficial comfort. 

And then, only in our later years do many of us realize, now that we have the spare time in retirement to just live and experience our lives, how fast it all went by. How often we were disassociating, on autopilot, not actually experiencing this gift we have been given. How many regrets we may have, how many people we stepped on, how many times we ignored people who needed help. How many times our pleas for help were ignored, the same way we ignored others'. So often do we only realize our mistakes once they affect us directly.

Our purpose and legacy in this existence is crafted by our own actions. We are capable of independent thought; it is just a matter of using it. So many of these answers are right in front of our faces, and yet we continue asking why, as though something put us here for some reason other than to exist. We are so desperate to avoid using this independent thought we are given, so afraid of the perceived responsibility, but what if it was the very meaning behind our existence? Or what if the very system that encourages individualism and "everyone for themself" is the temptation so many religions warn to avoid?

All of these issues, every one of them, is unnecessary - artificial - fabricated by our own selves. We are at a point on this Earth where we can have nothing to fear. And yet we are so deeply terrified at the very thought of not being afraid of something that we invent things to be afraid of. This very nature within ourselves has generated a culture of many fears, nearly all of which are imposed by our own species.

But again, we are so wrapped up in all of this, despite the fact none of it will matter whatsoever in the end. We believe it to be so important, and yet it is all meaningless in the face of changes we cannot prevent. We are so limited in scope that we only see in 3 dimensions, yet our only thought is to try and expand past our limited sight, rather than to simply enjoy what we have, where we are, right now.

Right now is forever.

All of time is now. If we cannot live in the now, then we will not have lived for all time. 

If we cannot be true to ourselves, then can we be true to anyone?

If we refuse to contribute to making this a better place to live, can we truly acknowledge or accept that we are partly responsible for so much unhappiness, including our own?

Practically every single religion and spiritual belief we have ever developed has this one rule in common: 

"Treat others how you would want to be treated."

It's such a simple concept, and everybody knows it. I can't think of anyone I've ever met who hasn't been told about this "golden rule."

But how many of us are really practicing it?

How many of us ever think about it in our daily lives?

How many of us believe it is actually something worth pondering?

I'll tell you how I would like to be treated:

I would want people to listen to me.

I would want people to truly see me, rather than the picture of me they painted themselves.

I would want people to try to understand me.

I would want people to treat me with kindness by default, unless I have given them reason to do otherwise.

If I hurt someone, I would want them to ask why, rather than immediately hurting me back.

This sounds nice, right? Does it sound hard to do? If so, why? That may be an important question to ask. The answer may be relevant to your own feelings of purpose in this life.

What if this golden rule, shared by all, is the meaning of life we so desperately seek?

What if truly trying to understand each other is the answer to the big question we ask ourselves?

I know you've likely heard speeches like this one before. But you know what? I think it's worth saying again, even if we're conditioned to forget it within a few hours.

Because I believe in this golden rule. I believe that if you read this far, you listened to me. And that means something to me. In return, I will listen to you. I will see you. I will try to understand you. I will show you kindness. I will give you benefit of the doubt.

You will have every opportunity to be your best self in my presence without judgement. Whether you take that opportunity is up to you. 

I love you and I care about you.