The Treaty of Armens

In doing some random research into Star Trek lore today, I have discovered some details about the Treaty of Armens, which was the treaty between the United Federation of Planets and the Sheliak Corporate that granted the Sheliak ownership of several Class-H planets.

This was the only contact the Federation had with the Sheliak until 111 years later, when the Sheliak attempted to colonize one of their planets and found an "infestation" of humans living on it.

In the episode of Star Trek TNG "The Ensigns of Command", we briefly get to see on the screen a piece of the Treaty of Armens for ourselves. I am going to type it down here, mostly for myself, because I think it's hilarious.

I am including the Blu-ray and original version of the text combined. Since there was no change to the text in either version, other than removal of some text and different paragraph section layout, I will use the layout that makes sense and simply include the text that was edited out of the Blu-ray edition. Here is a picture of both versions, followed by my text interpretation of it:

FILE = 99-5377 TREATY OF ARMENS

SECTION 21166
ALL REQUESTS FOR CHANGES IN THE TEXT OF PROVISION (B) MUST BE SUBMITTED IN WRITING OR BY A TERRIBLY COMPLEX SUBSPACE CODED SIGNAL, AS LONG AS IT IS ENCRYPTED AND UNREADABLE, AS WELL AS GARBLED AND CONFUSED, SO AS TO CONFORM TO THE PROVISION (A.294 A-C) OF THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE ACTS OF WIDDERSHINS, FEDERATION DOCUMENT LOCATOR NUMBER 784830 8340 (SECTION 876234). ALL OF THIS SIMPLY TO GET THE TEXT ALONG TO SUBPARAGRAPH 832, WHICH IS QUITE A WAYS DOWN THE PAGE. YOU MIGHT THINK THAT CLEVER STUFF. BOY YOU ARE WRONG. 

SECTION 87654
THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR ANYONE WHO HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE ORIGINAL TREATY. MOST OF THOSE LAWYER FOLKS ARE, LIKE, IN THE HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH EXECUTIVES OF THE SIRIUS CYBERNETICS CORPORATION. IT TOOK WHAT SEEMS LIKE FOREVER. RICK IS INFALLY [finally] GETTING A KEI AND YURI REFERENCE INTO THE TEXT. YOU KNOW, THE TWO CUTE GIRLS WITH THE BIG GUNS. WE MIGHT ALSO MENTION AKIRA, RANMA NIBUNNOICHI, URUSEI YATSURA, RHEA GAEL FORCE, AND A FEW OTHER ANIMATED FILMS. THE FEDERATION, AT THIS POINT IN TIME, SEEMS MORE TANGLED UP IN PAPERWORK THAN THE IRAN-CONTRA SCANDAL BUSINESS.

SECTION 74543
IN THE TEXT OF THIS TREATY. OR DIDN'T ANYONE THINK ABOUT THAT EVENTUALLY WHEN THE BLOODY DOCUMENT WAS FIRST DRAWN UP? NEVER MIND. IT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION ANYWAY. BUT WE JUST THOUGHT WE'D TRY TO DEMONSTRATE OUT LEGALISTIC CLEVERNESS. JUST ONE MORE PARAGRAPH UNTIL THE CRITICAL ONE, WHERE WE TALK ABOUT CONSULTATIONS AND THAT SORT OF THING. 

SECTION 33406
THE SHELIACS DON'T SOUND LIKE A RACE [worth] SELLING PLANETS TO, IF WE HAVE TO WRITE (MUCH LESS READ) ONE OF THESE CONTRACTS EACH TIME. ALTHOUGH, THAT'S WHY WE HAVE COMPUTERS, SO WE CAN DO SEARCH-AND-REPLACE. COME TO THINK ABOUT IT, THAT'S WHAT THE SHELIAC WANT TO DO WITH THE COLONY ON THE PLANET. THIS SECTION DEALS WITH THE RIGHT OF EACH PARTY TO CONFER WITH THE OTHER IN THE EVENT SOMETHING SCREWY HAPPENS WITH THE TREATY. THIS MAY TAKE THE FORM OF NORMAL EM SPECTRUM COMMUNICATION, SUBSPACE EM COMMUNICATION, FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGS, TELEPHONE TAG, MESSAGES IN BOTTLES, OR ANY OTHER WATER-TIGHT FORM OF ENCLOSURE, GOSSIP, HALF-TRUTHS, OUTRIGHT LIES, OR FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGS. INTERRUPTION OF TREATY COMPLIANCE SHALL NOT EXCEED ONE (1.00 X 10E0) STANDARD STANDARD UFP SOLAR YEAR (EXCEPT DURING THE MONTH OF JULY) SEE TECHNICAL TA48509 1742 A-CE589451 FOR CODE INPUTS. LCARS UPDATES ON TREATY COMPLIANCE INTERRUPTING SHALL TAKE PLACE AT EACH STARBASE LAYOVER, OR WHEN COMMANDED BY RANKING UFP (OR OTHER DESIGNATED BODY) OFFICIALS AT STARFLEET HEADQUARTERS, 24-593 FEDERATION DRIVE, SAN FRANCISCO, CA, EARTH, SOL SECTOR. REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE MAY BE PLACED BY TRANSMISSION TO STANDARD STARFLEET BOOSTER STATION FOR CHANNELING TO UFP TREATY OFFICE (SOL SECTOR).

SECTION 74543
SIMULTANEOUS TRANSMISSION TO THE THIRD PARTY IS ACCEPTABLE. DELAYED TRANSMISSION TO THIRD PARTY MAY NOT EXCEED ONE (1) STANDARD UFP DAY. TRANSMISSION TO THIRD PARTY PRIOR TO TRANSMISSION TO UFP TREATY OFFICE IS ACCEPTABLE IF APPROPRIATE NOTIFICATION  IS GIVEN TO FEDERATION BUREAU OF TREATIES (SOL SECTOR) SEE TA 98745 23411-11 FOR SCHEDULE OF CODES AND TEMPORAL ADJUSTMENT FACTORS, THIRD PARTY AGREEMENTS, THIRD PARTY ASSISTANCE MAY BE REQUESTED FROM A FEDERATION [vessel] IF THE DISTANCE FROM THE VESSEL TO SOL SECTOR IS GREATER THAN 5,000 LIGHTYEARS UFP STANDARDS MEASUREMENT BUREAU UNITS. ASSISTANCE MAY ALSO BE REQUESTED IF THE VESSEL IS LESS THAN 1,000 LIGHTYEARS OF A STANDARD UFP SUBSPACE RELAY BOOSTER STATION. AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.