*Biological Content* My Transition - Month 0

This is continuing off my previous post. If you haven't read my first post, click here to view it.

Biological Content Material!

There are some minor references to sexual body parts in this post. If you don't want to learn some detailed information about my body, you best not read ahead.

Month 0 - March

During my first week on Spironolactone, I was definitely nervous. It was happening, and even though I was ready, it was still kind of scary. But I didn't really notice anything until I started taking the estrogen. I'm counting my first day on estrogen as the first day of my transition.

By the start of my second week my fear started to go away and my nipples started swelling up, becoming very sensitive and sore. Once I saw my nipples swelling up, my fear was completely replaced with excitement. It was happening! They were growing! I was so happy from the changes that the fear just disappeared completely.

By the third week I was feeling a change in my brain. Like a sense of peace. Quiet. Serenity. Something was gone. It's like there used to be this little voice in the back of my head, like an annoying child in the back seat of a car. It was gone. It's so hard to explain completely, but it's like... That urge in the back of my head to punch something when I'm frustrated was gone. That urge to physically react to situations out of anger was gone. That's not to say my urge to fight for myself was gone, but rather, my mind was more clear to fight with my mind rather than my fists.

I was not a violent person before my transition, mind you. I never really have been. I had great control over my urges, and that was something I think I took some pride in. But little did I know how every moment of every day, I was keeping that voice in the back of my head in check. I was suppressing the way I felt in the moment in order to control that voice. This was all contributing to the emotional "brick wall" I developed during puberty. The wall that made it so difficult for me to cry and let things out. That wall that made it so difficult to understand the emotions I was feeling. That wall that made me feel like I wasn't me. Before puberty, that wall wasn't there, and now, after all those years, it was finally coming down again.

The Spring colors looked brighter, and the smells were stronger. The smells seemed to provoke a more emotional response than they used to. And I spontaneously got my ears pierced!

Quotes from Facebook, posted during this month:

• So Josephia has too many syllables, and the name Josie is growing on me more. So I think when I get it legally changed I'm going with Josie. But variations of Josephia are still acceptable as nicknames :)
• Also, oh my GOD! Facebook support actually DID something! When I requested it, they changed me to Josie, despite their multi-month cooldown time policy between name changes. Actually hearing from Facebook support on any issues is so unheard of! Almost as unheard of as someone finding a way to contact them!
• I'm feeling pretty lucky to work at such an accepting place with so many wonderful people. <3
• That feeling when your makeup looks amazing, but then you have to remove it and wash your face before bed. Then you look up and see that your face looks like it hasn't slept in 5 days.
  "Who is that person?!"
• Ugh, I'm so tired this morning it feels like nausea... I need this week to end soon.

Here's a picture from Month 0. I believe this accurately represents how I looked at the time. It just... Looks so wrong... 

You can view the Month 1 post by clicking here. >>>